If you have found your way to my website, you may be either facing the hard decision to move forward with divorce or you have made the decision and you’re wondering if you need to hire an attorney.
So many of us believed that the first step should be to retain an attorney. I want to talk about how another process that you probably already know about can be a smart choice to consider first. Mediation is designed to be a more gentle and kinder approach to divorce, but oftentimes, one spouse is unsure as to whether or not the other spouse will even agree to talk about mediation.
As a Certified Divorce Coach and Family Mediator working with many individuals like yourself, I will be able to guide you through the exact things to say to your spouse so that he/she will see the value of at least considering this process.
Here are some of the benefits of the mediation process that may be helpful for you to know as well as helpful for you to share with your spouse:
It is a process of self-determination.
Mediation empowers you to make decisions that will impact your life directly. This process fosters creativity in problem-solving and allows for a customized resolution that suits your family’s unique needs. With mediation, you are not restricted by arbitrary court procedures or impersonal judgments. Remember that you’re the expert in your life and should be the one making the decisions that will have a long-term impact on your life.
Mediation is more time-efficient than retaining attorneys and going to court.
When individuals are told how long it can take to divorce from start to finish, it often seems like it could take many months and even years to get through.
In contrast, mediation clients can often resolve their issues in just a few months, provided both parties are willing to cooperate. This efficiency can help reduce stress for you and your children and allow you all to move forward with your lives more swiftly.
It can work even if your spouse seems to be high conflict.
Some individuals believe that their spouse will not be cooperative and willing to try mediation. Even in cases with a high level of conflict, mediation is a viable option. Litigation tends to escalate conflicts, making an already challenging situation even more acrimonious. In contrast, skilled mediators can manage and de-escalate conflicts, creating a cooperative environment conducive to productive discussions.
Mediation is likely to be less costly both financially and emotionally.
Mediation is not only more empowering; it is also much more cost-effective than litigation. Many couples can complete their divorce through mediation for as little as $5,000 or less, which pales in comparison to the exorbitant legal fees often associated with litigation. In fact, some individuals spend $5,000 with an attorney merely to file the initial petition and complete the required disclosures.
In mediation you also have much more control over the costs. Mediation allows you to decide what decisions you and your spouse can make by yourself and what issues are going to require additional guidance from a mediator. In a divorce, the primary issues that need to be addressed are the division of assets and debts, support (spousal and child) and a parenting plan if you have children. Mediation is an ideal platform for couples to collaboratively work through these crucial matters. Divorce is an emotional process. Having an option that is certainly less contentious sets the tone for not moving forward with regrets and financial mistakes.
You will still have the opportunity to be supported by legal professions in mediation.
Divorce laws already provide many of the legal protections needed in divorce. Mediation does not mean forgoing legal support altogether. In fact, it is often recommended to have a consulting attorney on your team while in mediation. These attorneys can provide guidance, ensuring that you are making informed decisions during the mediation process.
Just be sure that you choose your consulting attorney wisely. An attorney who is primarily a litigator is not often the best choice as a consulting attorney because they’re looking at things through the lens of a litigator. If you are choosing mediation, you want to make sure that your consulting attorney is trained in alternative dispute resolution, like mediation or collaborative law. More importantly, you want to make sure that they spend a higher percentage of their time working in resolving disputes outside of court rather than litigating inside of the courts.
Even if it does not work, it’s possible to reach partial agreements.
You don’t have to resolve all issues through mediation. Couples can come to agreements on some or most matters and submit them to the court to make them legally binding. This allows you to isolate only a few issues for potential litigation. Being able to create financial agreements and/or a parenting plan will be helpful if there are any additional issues that may need to be litigated.
Should it ultimately fail, you will be better prepared for having to consider litigation. You will have gained insight into your spouse’s positions and motivations, and also completed most of the necessary court documents/disclosures. Not having to start over completely will save you time and money.
Mediation is a powerful and often overlooked option for couples going through a divorce. By choosing it as your first step, you can save both time and money, reduce conflict, and gain more control over the decisions that shape your future. While there are certainly situations where litigation is necessary, don’t make it your default choice. Embrace the opportunity to find common ground, making the divorce process as smooth and amicable as possible.
If you would like to talk about whether mediation is for you, please reach out for a complimentary call and let me help. As an experienced family mediator, I can help you decide if your situation could be mediated.