In my work as a Certified Co-Parenting Specialist, many clients come to me because their Parenting Plan is not working.
When in the throes of divorce, with so many other issues to sort through, it can be challenging to think about and know what co-parenting is going to look like.
Even with the guidance of professionals who help to prepare the Parenting Plan, every situation is unique and things will change as children get older and circumstances of the parents change.
Most of the parents I work with had no idea that they would have to parent their children in two different homes.
The first step is helping parents understand that they are no longer in a romantic, intimate relationship with their co-parent.
If the communication between the couple was an issue in the marriage (and it usually is), it’s likely that communication as co-parents is going to be difficult.
This is where professionals come in.
Depending on the specific situation, working with a co-parenting specialist might be the answer.
If communication with an ex-spouse appears to be the trigger for the parenting plan not working, then co-parenting counseling and classes may help to resolve the issue.
Even if only one parent is willing to participate in the counseling and/or classes, my experience is that this can be extremely successful.
When one parent no longer gets triggered by blaming, negative emails and can focus only on the needs of the children, then the shift can begin to happen and communication settles.
There are times when alternate dispute resolution, like mediation, is written into the Parenting Plan before going back to court.
This means that before a family court judge will hear a case, the parents are required to try mediation or co-parenting counseling first.
Depending on the issues, this is a less adversarial and certainly less costly approach to resolving disagreements in the Parenting Plan.
Mediation is when a neutral third party facilitates the process and helps both parents to reach a compromise.
There are some situations where the Parenting Plan will need to be reviewed and modified by a legal professional. This may involve other professionals including therapists, counselors, and child psychologists. They can help identify any behavioral or emotional issues a child may be experiencing due to the divorce or parenting plan.
Having to take the situation to court or explore legal options should be considered if there are any issues that endanger the safety of the child.
If modifications need to be made, consulting with an attorney for legal options will be necessary.
The primary goal is to create a stable and supportive environment for the children.
This is where parents need to be clear that they are keeping the best interest of the children at the forefront.
Any difficulties between the parents need to be addressed individually so that parents are able to work as co-parents without their own issues interfering.
I recommend that if the conflict has escalated and co-parenting counseling and mediation were not successful, then it may be important to document exactly what is happening.
Keep a record of instances where the parenting plan has not been followed or has caused issues. Having documentation may be helpful if legal action becomes necessary.
Co-parenting is hard and requires a mindset shift in order to be successful.
Being willing to “throw down the rope” in the tug of war is always an option.
If your children are young, you will be co-parenting for many years and staying in this place of conflict will affect not only your children’s lives, but yours.
Approaching these situations with a cooperative mindset will serve you when issues come up as the years go by…and issues will always come up.
Please reach out for a complimentary consultation if you are feeling “stuck” in your co-parent journey. Let’s see how I can help and give you back peace of mind for both you and your family!