Are you one of the many individuals who know that they’re dealing with a high conflict or a partner with narcissistic traits?
Most people who know this have Googled dozens of sights and have figured this out on their own.
You know if you’re experiencing things like your spouse dragging out court hearings, spreading lies about you, pitting your children against you, hiding marital assets, and using intimidation to try and get what they want, then you know the answer.
Are you continually feeling frustrated with your spouse’s hostility and manipulation?
It can be so scary and cause you to feel insecure and even more unsure of what is going to happen to you.
So many individuals I talk with have been in relationships where they have been left feeling insecure, dominated, and controlled by their spouse.
And you’ve already learned – You cannot change your spouse’s behavior…ever.
So let me give you these tips on how to “detox your divorce” as best you can.
I’ve learned these from professionals like attorneys, mediators, and therapists who have worked with high-conflict personalities and I want you to know this information as well:
Change the way you’re communicating.
He/she will use your texts, emails, or what you say in a conversation against you.
Keep things to the point and only address the specific issue.
For the best way to do this, check out this video about BIFF responses from Bill Eddy.
Get all financial paperwork ASAP.
Your high-conflict spouse may make it difficult to access this information so take action right now, especially if you believe he/she is hiding assets. This should be done well before you even file.
Also, run a credit report and request copies of the last 3 years of tax returns.
Get everything in writing.
It serves as a record in case you have to go to court.
This is also important for temporary custody and temporary spousal support orders. Oftentimes a spouse tells me their high conflict soon-to-be ex agreed verbally to temporary spousal support, but they are not following through or are only giving a portion of it until they have written orders from the court.
If you’re feeling like you’re going through a toxic divorce, you probably are.
Divorce is traumatic enough, but if you’re having trouble with just functioning day to day or “waiting for the other shoe to drop”, your mental health and well-being is at higher risk.
Are you having trouble sleeping?
Are you not eating well or are you drinking too much?
Are you having trouble concentrating at work and you’re more irritable than normal?
I hear from so many clients that their thinking is “foggy”.
Studies have shown that we can lose up to 30% of our capacity to think clearly when we’re going through a stressful event like divorce.
Do you want to risk that you’re missing something and have regrets when it’s too late to change the settlement agreement?
If you believe your spouse is hoping “you’ll crumble” under the pressure, now is the time to take control of this.
The longer you let things go, the more power the high-conflict person feels they have.
If you see yourself here, it’s time to get the help that you’ve been longing for.
Please don’t do this alone. Have someone with the expertise and experience by your side, who will serve as your thinking partner, and show up as your “light in this dark world of divorce.”