Is this your first marriage?
Or your second marriage?
Maybe your third marriage? No judgment at all – it happens more than you know.
Studies show that in the U.S., the rate of divorce for first marriages has dropped to 40%.
But the alarming statistic is that the rate of failure for second marriages is 67% and for third marriages, it’s an unfortunate 74%!
Did you have any idea about this?
Why do you think this is happening?
Wouldn’t you think we would’ve learned from our mistakes?
It seems we would be smarter, older, more mature and should know better and know what we want in a new partner?
I’m going to share what the experts say, but I wanted you to think about your situation and see if this makes some sense to you.
This is what I believe from my own experience and what my clients and friends tell me.
Feeling lonely or afraid of being on your own is terrifying and can lead to jumping into a new relationship.
Rebound relationships are quite common.
Having someone give you so much attention and tell you how fantastic you are is very intoxicating.
We’re just human beings and it’s natural to want to feel loved and desired, especially if we were dumped by our spouses.
But here’s the thing – I see so many of my clients as well as friends get into a new relationship even before the ink is dry on their divorce decree.
Now I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t go out or have some fun – you’ve been through a tough time.
But what I’m talking about is jumping into another serious relationship without having done this work.
- Take time to process the grief and loss issues from the divorce.
- Take time to look at your role in the demise of your marriage.
What did you learn from this?
- Take time to really evaluate this “new love.”
Do you know this “entire person?” The good and bad with all their faults?
This is the “work” that must be done and what I help my clients with no matter where they are in the divorce process.
You must have the tools to move forward or you will find yourself choosing someone who is quite similar to your ex.
I know you may not believe me, but I’ve done it myself and I see it everyday.
And if this new love is pushing you to hurry up and get on with things,
I would say that’s a big RED FLAG.
If this person really is “the one,” then he/she will be patient and wait for you to do the “work” you need to do now so that you won’t be in another “failed marriage”.
So here are what the experts say are the 3 biggest reasons why second marriages fail at such a high rate:
~ MONEY
Money is a big issue for many couples, but it’s even more troublesome in second marriages due to child support or spousal maintenance.
When there are children involved, it gets even more complicated financially.
I’ve seen many clients who are resentful about how much money is going out to their new spouse’s children.
It can become a real challenge if it is not discussed openly and honestly.
~ CHILDREN
Many couples stay together “for the children.”
That’s a topic for another blog, but where natural children might keep a marriage together, step-children can be a divisive factor in second marriages.
Many parents deal with the frustration of having step-kids.
The biggest issue here is partners not supporting each other when it comes to dealing with each other’s natural children.
~ EXES
This really depends on the circumstances of the divorce. Typically, the person who was left, especially because of an affair, may be resentful and angry.
They may be terribly unhappy that their ex is so quickly in a new relationship or remarried.
They may even try to sabotage things to create emotional or financial tension for the new partners.
Sometimes an angry ex can bring a former spouse back to court for various reasons long after the divorce is final.
There’s nothing I want more for my clients than to find happiness, peace of mind, and love in their life after divorce.
But I don’t want anyone to have to go through this devastating event again and again
The risk of failure is too high.
So if you see yourself in any of these scenarios, please schedule a Reclaim Your Life call with me and I will help guide you down a healthier path.
Find a time on my calendar for this complimentary, confidential call today.
Gain the peace of mind and confidence you deserve.
“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so that you can become who you were meant to be in the first place.”
~ Paulo Coelho
Author of The Alchemist