I was talking with one of my coaching clients this morning about her divorce process and she expressed how frustrated she was and said “Why is this taking so long?”
Although the past few years, with Covid, caused huge delays in the court system, we seem to be able to get through the process at a more “normal” pace.
If you’re fortunate enough to not have to go to court and you’re doing your divorce through mediation, collaborative, or DIY, you may be in a better position to get things to move along faster.
But not necessarily….
So what are some of the reasons why your divorce is taking so long and what can you do if you’re feeling “stuck?”
Should you try to speed things up?
Like so many things when it comes to divorce, the answer to that is that it depends.
As we talked about before, divorce is loaded with emotions – both yours and your spouses.
These emotions can slow the divorce process down.
Usually, the person who wants the divorce wants it over quicker than the person who doesn’t want the divorce.
The one who does want the divorce gets impatient and angry and may argue and fight with their spouse to get things done!
The one who is being left feels wronged and afraid and will do anything to drag things out no matter what!
If both spouses are locked in their positions emotionally, the divorce will take WAY LONGER than you can even imagine.
But sometimes there are reasons that make taking longer reasonable.
If children are involved and they’re having a really difficult time, it may make sense to slow the divorce down.
It may be that the house needs to be sold before the divorce (although there are so many ways to deal with that by using a real estate professional, mortgage specialist and a CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst.)
If the divorce is amicable, it may slow down because one spouse really does need to work through the emotional overwhelm in order to make good and rational decisions.
No matter what the reason is – whether it’s in your control or not, there are things you can do to deal with this.
I recommend to my clients to actually embrace this time to figure out what they want the next chapter of their lives to look like.
Taking a deep dive during this time can give you clarity and put you on a path of having a plan and creating goals moving forward.
Maybe you begin to find out what you used to like to do when you were younger or before you married.
What did you start and not finish?
What did you always want to do, but never did because you got married and had a family?
This is going to be your time for reinvention, so why not embrace it and use it for self care and resiliency?
Are you feeling depressed and sad because you don’t know what to do now?
Maybe you never wanted this and you just don’t know where to turn?
If you’re feeling “stuck” and frustrated with the divorce process, it’s the perfect time to engage in support like a divorce coach to help you sort through things, get clarity and gain confidence that you’re going to be okay – not just okay, but so much better in the next chapter of your life!